


SOLDIER'S Battles

by LRMatthews



Series: SOLDIER [5]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Crack, Did I Mention Crack?, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LRMatthews/pseuds/LRMatthews
Summary: The 100% Crack Companion to "Frenzies." A working knowledge of the DMW helps. Maybe.
Series: SOLDIER [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/60938
Kudos: 9





	SOLDIER'S Battles

“Hmm?” Zack looked down at his hip as he felt his PHS vibrate. Flipping it open, he groaned to see he’d been given a new last-minute assignment. Damn it. He’d been looking forward to slacking off today. Sighing, he clicked on the message.

_Mission_ _objective:_

_The black chocobo, Sephiroth, has escaped from his pen. You must find him and bring him back, as quickly as possible. Be discreet._

**_Begin Mission_ **

0:00

**Zack** : _Moves out through fields surrounding the chocobo stable. Observing an object under a tree, moves to intercept. Determines object to be the missing chocobo. Engages._

**_Activating Combat Mode_ **

2:17

**Zack** : [Materia] --> Libra Lvl. 3

_Sephiroth Lvl. 40_

_WP: 6500_

_MP: 0_

**Sephiroth** : [Intimidation]

_Feathers puff, wings spread slightly, appears to increase in size._

**_Zack_ ** _: -33WP_

2:45

**Zack** : [Materia] --> Chocobo Lure Master

_Glows brightly to capture bird’s attention and sway interest._

**_Sephiroth_ ** _: Miss_

**Sephiroth** : [Feathered Snub]

_Turns back to ignore and scratches ground twice._

**_Zack_ ** _: [Snub Guard]_

_Prevents Snub and absorbs WP from attacker._

**_Sephiroth_ ** _: -89WP_

**_Zack_ ** _: +89WP_

3:02

**Zack** : [Item] --> Gysahl Greens

_Pleasant aroma and tasty leaves are what a chocobo loves!_

**_Sephiroth_ ** _: -1639WP_

**Sephiroth** : [Typical Bird]

_Takes one bite of greens then scatters, scratches and ruins rest._

**_Zack_ ** _: -256WP_

3:34

**_Modulating Phase_ **

_Character Change: CHOCOBO_

_Aerith has appeared!_

**Zack and Aerith** : [Chocobo Stomp Lvl. 4]

_Uses combined WP to coerce reluctant chocobos into submission._

**_Sephiroth_ ** _: -3185WP_

4:51

_Aerith leaves._

5:00

**Sephiroth** : [Chocobo Call]

_Summons person chocobo has bonded most strongly with._

_Sephiroth has appeared!_

**_Zack_ ** _: -984WP_

**Sephiroth and Sephiroth** : [Merciless Bond]

_Uses connection between master and bird to obliterate all obstacles._

**_Zack_ ** _: -9999WP_

**_Conflict Resolved_ **

****

**_MISSION_ ** **_FAILED_ **

“Damn it, Sephiroth! Why didn’t you just go get him in the first place? You didn’t have to push it off on me.” Sephiroth merely raised a brow at Zack’s whining, a faint smile gracing his lips. “You know that flea-bitten pile of – ” Zack stopped himself abruptly. Despite his growing comfort in Sephiroth’s presence he made a conscious effort not to push the boundaries too far. “Anyway, he _still_ doesn’t listen to me.”

“That was the point. You may have made some progress with him, but it’s important that he comes to respect you as well.”

With his hands on his hips and his brow arched cockily, Zack asked, “Do _you_ respect me?”

Sephiroth smiled fully now. “Of course, Zack. You’re a skilled SOLDIER, exhibiting many fine qualities.” Zack puffed up, grinning broadly. “Which is why, for failing in such a basic mission, I am assigning you two weeks of stable duties.”

“ _What??_ ” The teen gaped at his superior in horror.

“Perhaps you can use the opportunity to further develop your relationship with the bird.” Zack glared at the black chocobo standing smugly behind his master.

_Oh, you are going_ down _, Sephy_. Good thing neither of them could read minds as Zack would have been hard-pressed to say exactly which one the thought was directed at.

As usual, Sephiroth just smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 17 Apr '08
> 
> No regerts


End file.
